Another beautiful day with you guys as we travel down the road to better mental health. Were going to start by identifying our personal values and what they mean to us. There are many values to pick from so we’re going to pick five of the values we value most. You may have a lot of the same values as I do but they may mean a little different and that’s ok. The reason we are identifying our values is that they are a large portion of our personalities and who we are and knowing our strengths and weaknesses.
To clearly identify my values I must first ask myself some questions. What makes you really happy? What do you like to do and why? what am I really angry about? Which people real or imaginary do you admire most and why? which people real or imaginary do you hate?
1. What makes me happy? friends, family, crafting or creating with my hands, Netflix and chill, talking with people online, hubby and pups. 2. What do I like to do? working with wood or cactus skeletons, growing cannabis walking with the dogs, videography, photography, and rocks. 3. What am I really angry about? The nightmares, my childhood, my brother being taken from me when we were kids, and The BS my mother would use to keep brother and me apart when we were kids and adults. Brother is actually what I call him and I’m not sure where I got it from anymore. 4. People I admire most? Robin Williams, Jordan Peterson, Rick Simpson, Russel Brand, and Matthew McConaughey and I admire them for being trailblazers even when it wasn’t popular. 5. The people I hate and instead of naming them I decided to name their groups so we have Pedos, narcissists, racists, racists, animal abusers, and plain and simply mean people that try to hold you back.
The last section we are going to work on today is a letter to the person that gives you anxiety, fear, nervousness, and bad feelings. This letter should tell the reader how you really feel and be honest. Don’t just say or write down the feelings you have to connect them to your values. After writing the letter you may decide not to show the person the letter and that’s ok you can do a number of things with the letter however once the letter is written you can burn it, wad it up and throw it away, let them see it, or just file it away but there is no need to re-read the letter because it can bring up more back feeling and hen were back here doing these exercises again, which again is ok.
Last and certainly not least this is the letter i wrote to my mother (who is now dead).
Dear Mom or egg donor;
I am angry, sad, confused, and generally scared that people like you existed. How you as a mother could allow the things you did, things you had done to me, and what you allowed. I understand mental deficiencies because I struggle with my demons.
You thought it was funny when brother literally knocked me out, in fact, you would invite your friends over and have brother repeatedly knock me out while they watched and laughed. The boyfriends you would bring around would expose themselves to us, punish us by hitting us all over our bodies and faces, being made to eat pieces of soap even going as far as to dip the soap in sugar, taking things away from us to the point that we got to open our Christmas presents one year only to turn around and make us donate them to where ever she thought fit because she was in a bad mood.
I started cooking and cleaning for brother and me when I was about 7 years old because you were high on coke, out of your mind and you weren’t eating. By the way mom thanks for the eating disorder. Brother and I had to take the public bus 36 miles to school every day and we weren’t allowed home until dark. But I’m pissed at myself more for looking for your approval that I never got. You never gave it to either of us.
I’ve recently learned or remembered that I never needed your approval so this is a letter to say goodbye your freeloading days are over I will no longer feed the beast of your memory.
Goodbye and please don’t feel the need to visit because I’m moving on without you or your memory. Nicola
P.S. It has taken me a long time to understand and forgive brother for the things you made him do and then lying to Brother saying in the police report from Uncle Bill, that I said Brother touched me as well and it astounds me how far you would go to damage your children. Brother was my best friend and protector in many ways and I needed him so you took him away. Moving every six months took its toll on us kids being we were neer in the same place long enough to make friends. Fuck You and goodbye. Nicola