Another beautiful day with you guys as we travel down the road to better mental health. Were going to start by identifying our personal values and what they mean to us. There are many values to pick from so we’re going to pick five of the values we value most. You may have a lot of the same values as I do but they may mean a little different and that’s ok. The reason we are identifying our values is that they are a large portion of our personalities and who we are and knowing our strengths and weaknesses.
To clearly identify my values I must first ask myself some questions. What makes you really happy? What do you like to do and why? what am I really angry about? Which people real or imaginary do you admire most and why? which people real or imaginary do you hate?
1. What makes me happy? friends, family, crafting or creating with my hands, Netflix and chill, talking with people online, hubby and pups. 2. What do I like to do? working with wood or cactus skeletons, growing cannabis walking with the dogs, videography, photography, and rocks. 3. What am I really angry about? The nightmares, my childhood, my brother being taken from me when we were kids, and The BS my mother would use to keep brother and me apart when we were kids and adults. Brother is actually what I call him and I’m not sure where I got it from anymore. 4. People I admire most? Robin Williams, Jordan Peterson, Rick Simpson, Russel Brand, and Matthew McConaughey and I admire them for being trailblazers even when it wasn’t popular. 5. The people I hate and instead of naming them I decided to name their groups so we have Pedos, narcissists, racists, racists, animal abusers, and plain and simply mean people that try to hold you back.
The last section we are going to work on today is a letter to the person that gives you anxiety, fear, nervousness, and bad feelings. This letter should tell the reader how you really feel and be honest. Don’t just say or write down the feelings you have to connect them to your values. After writing the letter you may decide not to show the person the letter and that’s ok you can do a number of things with the letter however once the letter is written you can burn it, wad it up and throw it away, let them see it, or just file it away but there is no need to re-read the letter because it can bring up more back feeling and hen were back here doing these exercises again, which again is ok.
Last and certainly not least this is the letter i wrote to my mother (who is now dead).
Dear Mom or egg donor;
I am angry, sad, confused, and generally scared that people like you existed. How you as a mother could allow the things you did, things you had done to me, and what you allowed. I understand mental deficiencies because I struggle with my demons.
You thought it was funny when brother literally knocked me out, in fact, you would invite your friends over and have brother repeatedly knock me out while they watched and laughed. The boyfriends you would bring around would expose themselves to us, punish us by hitting us all over our bodies and faces, being made to eat pieces of soap even going as far as to dip the soap in sugar, taking things away from us to the point that we got to open our Christmas presents one year only to turn around and make us donate them to where ever she thought fit because she was in a bad mood.
I started cooking and cleaning for brother and me when I was about 7 years old because you were high on coke, out of your mind and you weren’t eating. By the way mom thanks for the eating disorder. Brother and I had to take the public bus 36 miles to school every day and we weren’t allowed home until dark. But I’m pissed at myself more for looking for your approval that I never got. You never gave it to either of us.
I’ve recently learned or remembered that I never needed your approval so this is a letter to say goodbye your freeloading days are over I will no longer feed the beast of your memory.
Goodbye and please don’t feel the need to visit because I’m moving on without you or your memory. Nicola
P.S. It has taken me a long time to understand and forgive brother for the things you made him do and then lying to Brother saying in the police report from Uncle Bill, that I said Brother touched me as well and it astounds me how far you would go to damage your children. Brother was my best friend and protector in many ways and I needed him so you took him away. Moving every six months took its toll on us kids being we were neer in the same place long enough to make friends. Fuck You and goodbye. Nicola
Manic Monday Episode 2 with Nicola Dickens
In an ever-changing world, I find my anxiety, if unchecked, can cause a variety of different and mostly no fun results. So today, I am starting my Anti-Anxiety journey part 2 here and would love you to join me.
This video and book are to serve as a guide and toolbox, including but not limited to; exercises to understand the mechanisms of anxiety and its impact on your body, mind, and soul. Exercises to understand your functioning and to free yourself from worries. Simple tips and fun exercises for light stress management daily. Practices for long-term stress management. Exercises to develop your self-confidence. And coloring pages to help you relax, along with adult coloring pages.
To pick up where we left Off, we will be doing more exercises to try to curb my daily anxieties. We will be writing a declaration of war to our anxiety and peacefully breaking up with it. This was a bit hard for me because I’m still angry, and I believe for good reason. I wrote the letter and then tried to film it, and that hasn’t gone very well and not very well for ten takes. I decided to give you a small part of the declaration of war, but I will be posting it as a PDF for those who need an example or are just curious.
Next, we have the coloring pages; however, I decided to use my cursing coloring book that I picked up on amazon. I’ve done a lot of coloring over the last week to escape my abuse story. Telling these stories about my childhood triggers me and simply weighs me down, and I honestly get pissed. I was on social media today, well, honestly, I see more and more pedophiles or (MAP), and it pisses me off because this isn’t right. People are defending these MAP people and slapping every victim across the face! How dare you put these criminals above the victims. How dare you invalidate what the victims go through for years, the innocents stolen from the youth. Please make it make sense!!
My body: The physical effects I feel when I’m stressed in my stomach, my head, and my joints, it also affected my bladder when I had one, and I believe some of the pain I experience is directly related to my mental health because when I’m having an anxiety attach causing nausea, vomiting, stomach and or bowel cramps, hiding or agoraphobia, headache, loss of appetite or restricting what I eat, and pain in the center of my body and believe me it sucks. What helps calm my anxiety are cleaning, therapy, and my psyc meds. Walking the dogs, talking to the dogs, hanging out with the horses, and coloring. I think I might try things over the next month and see if it helps yoga, breathing, exercising, watering my plants, and planting my exotic flowers.
Now we are going to make a worries bag and put all of our worries inside, and as you add worries to the bag it will get heavier and heavier. Some of my worries are probably the same as many people’s, money, property, videos, hospitals and healthcare, bank accounts, and MMJ education. I did have other worries that I have been able to appease; they still pop up on occasion, and they are my social media comments. I have learned it’s ok to have opposing opinions, and not everyone will agree with what I have to say (they are wrong, lol), but it’s okay. Getting everything done every day, especially when it’s unrealistic, It will still be there in an hour or tomorrow. The Facebook mentality, and I believe you know exactly what I’m saying. And last but certainly not the least, hubby getting mad at me. My hubby and I are loud people, and when he gets excited, he gets louder. Then I get louder, and then lone and behold, we either hurt the other’s feelings or get into a heated debate, and because of my past, I have flashbacks and the feeling of what happened, and I submit quickly to him. He usually sees what happened and apologizes or explains his point a little better because a lot of the time, one of us didn’t understand what the other said.
We will end with my anxiety playlists and who is in mine. 1. Lips of an Angel by Hinder 2 Don’t Let Me be yours by ZaraLarson 3 A Little Bit Off by Five-Finger Death Punch 4 Karate by Anne-Marie 5. Withdrawals by Tom McDonald 6. Popular Monster by Falling in Reverse 7. The Search by NF 8. You Can’t Stop the Girl by Bebe Rexa 9. Graveyard by Halsey 10. Snowflakes by Tom McDonald 11. Dear Alcohol by DAX 12. Boy by Anne Marie 13. Ocean Eyes by Billie Elish. I also made an angry playlist that helps me express and process my anger. My angry playlist is 1. Lose You to Love Me by Selina Gomez 2. Love the Way You Lie by Rihanna and M & M 3. Breaking Glass by Limp Biscuit 4. Thunder by Imagine Dragons 5. No Good Bastards by Tom McDonald, Nova Rockerfella, and Brandon Heart 6. Hate Goes On by Struggle 7. God, We Need You Know by Struggle 8. You Should Be Sad by Halsey 9. Did Your Best by Nova Rockerfella 10. Bad Guy by Billie Elish 11. Chop Suey by System of a Down 12.Toxicity by System of a Down.
Thank you to everyone that decided to join me on this journey. I truly appreciate each and every one of you. Mad Love Nicola
As I look through Leafly and the net I found this deal. 5 grams for $50. So, with inflation and gas prices not slowing down I went nuts and bought 25 grams of cannabis for $250 that’s $10 a gram. And stocked up for a bit. After tasting these I’m happy I did they are playing with terpenes and they taste amazing so thank you Natures Medicine in Glendale.
2 Kush and OG Shatter
Apples and Bananas
2 Sleep Paralysis
Black Cherry Apple
2 Grape Dream
Sour Apple Mango
Bubble Yum Shatter
2 Banana Gelato
2 Peach Colada
Banana Mimosa Strain is a 70/30 Sativa with about a 27% THC level on average. Her parent strains are Purple Punch and clementine strain from Allgreens inc. This is a very stable shatter. It looks nice, clear, yellow, gold, and has a beautiful tropical, sour, sweet, and citrus. She is a great way to start the morning. This is one of my hubby’s favorites. He says it starts his day out just right. My hubby is a Sativa person, and I’m an indica one, which I think makes us a great team when smoking and growing.
Banana Mimosas’ effects are cerebral, energizing, focused, motivational, relaxing, and uplifted. Medicinally to treat ADD, ADHD, Anxiety, depression, migraines, mood swings, nausea, and stress. Some of these effects may change if your an indica person vs. a Sativa person. You may find it gives you the shakes, can cause migraines (rare), or mimics a caffeine high. You may find it suppresses appetite or several rare things, but if you’re concerned before you try get some CBD, and if you don’t like the effects of the cannabis use, the CBD wait a few minutes, and the high will slowly take the feeling away.
I oddly have been having an issue finding a therapist now that I’m on social security because I have a history with the psyc. field, so I decided to pick up a few books to help me with some problem areas in my life. The first book will be the Anti Anxiety Workbook, The NO Worries Workbook by Molly Burford, and Self Love Workbook for Women By Megan Logan, MSW, LCSW. And I thought, why not take this journey to Youtube and share it with all of you. And maybe, just maybe, we can all learn to live at peace with our demons and stop letting them go to war with us.
SO buckle up, Buttercup, and let’s take on Anxiety and calm our Anxiety Demons. Living at peace with the Demons that plague me day and night.
In an ever-changing world, I find my Anxiety, if unchecked, can cause a variety of different and mostly no fun results. So today, I am starting my Anti-Anxiety journey here and would love you to join me.
This video and book serve as a guide and toolbox. Including but not limited to; exercises to understand the mechanisms of Anxiety and its impact on your body, mind, and soul. Exercises to understand your own functioning and to free yourself from worries. Simple tips and fun exercises for light stress management daily. Practices for long-term stress management. Exercises to develop your self-confidence. And coloring pages to help you relax, along with adult coloring pages.
I will be using several books to help us lower stress and anxiety levels, starting with The Anti-Anxiety Workbook. This book doesn’t name an actual Arthur, but it does leave us with an email to contact the author at email@example.com.The about the author page doesn’t give the writer’s name, just that he suffered from severe Anxiety; an unnamed man born in the 80s and has suffered from debilitating Anxiety since childhood. We are responsible for our anxieties so let’s take a little time to heal and improve ourselves.
What is Anxiety? Anxiety is the response to a hypothetical situation that hasn’t come true and most probably won’t ever be true. It’s all in your head. These five words have been said to me a million times by the medical profession, but it is quite accurate in this situation. Your brain is the enemy here, exasperating your fears to the point of extreme fear and/or Anxiety that can make it hard to leave your home like me or debilitating fear when someone you don’t know knocks at the door. I have a condition called agoraphobia which means leaving my home alone can cause what I call earthquakes in my head. Everything gets jumbled. I get extremely dizzy and have passed out.
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, you will also suffer a defeat for every victory gained. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
We are going to war with our Anxiety, going to war with a smile and love, so if you are ready, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty so we can finish beautifully like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. As Sun Tzu says, we must know our enemy as well as we know ourselves.
Whenever I have some quiet time at home and some bud, I start watching social media, and that’s never a good idea, but what I see A LOT is the Cancellation of women. From Judge Jackson’s refusal to define women saying she wasn’t a biologist to teachers trying to teach sexuality to our children in primary school. I even heard one teacher say she was told she couldn’t talk about sex or sexual orientation to her 3rd graders, but she was going to find a way to add it to the lesson plan every chance she gets.
In Flagstaff, Arizona, I was standing in the Starbucks line to get my coffee when two women, one transgender woman and one natural woman, started a loud verbal confrontation about being in line at the customer service counter. The transgender lady was furious at the other women because she would surrender her place in line because the transgender lady was running late. As soon as the natural woman answered, saying she was in a hurry as well and to wait her turn. When the transgender turned, the entire fight about sexuality ended with the transgender woman ready to throw hands, saying, “Your just jealous because I looked like JLo, when the natural woman replied, “you if she were a crack head.
And we wonder why Anxiety and depression run rapid because of the fear-mongering, entitlement, criminal, and lying politicians reinforcing crap legislation that leads the American people to poverty. I have often wondered if all the sexualities that the left has pushed for years now. Are they trying to dehumanize the people causing all of this because it’s easier to control what you own?