Self-Love Workbook for Women part 2 with Nicola Dickens #NicolaDickens and Free My Cure

Self-Love Workbook for Women part 2 with Nicola Dickens #NicolaDickens and Free My Cure

Chapter 2 Prepare for the Road Ahead:  “If someone else notices our qualities and talents, we think those parts of us must be worthwhile… We long for someone to discover, admire, and colonize us. But why must it be another person? Why can’t you sail ‘that voyage and explore yourself?”  Vironika Tugaleva

Let’s start this show with a moment of silence to remember all the lives lost 21 years ago on September 11.

Affirmation Cube: “Let your light shine.

The power of a daily self-love practice: It’s never too late to learn and practice self-love. Talking to yourself is kind and in keeping you focused on your goals. Self-love can’t grow in the context of shame and insults. I found that my abusers always found a way to insult me and put me down, making it seem like this was all normal behavior, and teaching a child about how to have intercourse was normal. Every family does it, and you learn best with practice. The more skilled you become, the easier it will be to do. A daily dose of self-love sets up a pathway in the brain for self-love to become automatic, allowing self-love to grow.   This practice of self-love might be difficult when you first start, but over time it will get easier.

It’s not all bubble baths and manicures: The pampering of bubble baths in this ever-changing world is relaxing, calming, and essential. It’s something that we may not have the time to enjoy for an extended period. Start with five minutes and do it as often as you can. The pampering is fantastic and helps relax in the here and now, but we, as people, demand it. True self-love involves more. It means we develop honesty within ourselves, identify our values, and create an authentic life free from self-harm and self-destructive patterns.

Be Vulnerable: Focusing on others’ needs can be a way of avoiding our own needs, making us feel vulnerable. An essential part of being authentic to ourselves is recognizing our vulnerability. Our feelings of not being good enough, along with our disappointment, sadness, and fears. When going through those deep feelings of depression or anxiety attacks, seek out your primary support system, whether be your spouse, parent, friend, or therapist. They are the main people who help cheer you up and catch you as you fall into depression. You got this!

Be honest:  Honesty allows us to thoughtfully speak our minds and express our feelings and opinions even if it upsets others or makes someone else uncomfortable. Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away. It just makes them come out later and possibly worse. Honesty when I was a young adult, I had a lying problem, and believe me when I say lying is an addictive behavior. I would lie even if the truth sounded better, and it all stemmed from having a horrible childhood. Who wouldn’t want a different life? I never lied about important things, just stupid shit like my brother and I were twins, owning a jeep, or having parents that loved me. As I got older, the lies got stupider to cover the lies I had previously told until I couldn’t get out from under them. I started warning people, especially kids, about the danger of lying.

Put yourself first:  How can we put ourselves first? With the busy lives we all live day after day, putting ourselves first seems like a daunting task that we don’t have time for. Putting ourselves first is highly overrated and gets put on the back burner until Self-love becomes self-love? What’s self-love becomes more of an elusive behavior.   Learning to set emotional and physical boundaries allowed me to restore and engage in activities that brought me peace and joy.

Make time for you:  Whether you are making time for five minutes to relax in the shower feeling the water and heat of the water, lying in bed meditating, stretching, or exercising. These few moments can help refuel and recharge your batteries and can help your day immensely.

Even five minutes is better than nothing:  Showing up for yourself for just five minutes a day or five minutes at a time as needed can also help recharge your batteries or let anger and frustration go from a bad interaction can also significantly improve your mental health. Whatever it takes, right?

Meditation:  I try meditation when I’m up at midnight, trying to calm myself. Relaxing, slowing my breathing, and calming my mind. Starting with my toes, relaxing each area and all the way to my hair until I can feel my body relax around me to try to fall back asleep. This method can be used as many times as needed throughout your day or night. Example:  Focus on smoking. What does it smell like, look like, and feel like? At 3 am, focus on the hum of electricity, dog breathing, an occasional vehicle on the highway, hubby breathing and sniffling. The pen in my hand and writing, the crinkle of the paper and writing. The crinkle of the paper Refridgerator turning off and on. Leaving judgment behind.

Schedule it so you don’t forget it:  I always use this one. As you see, I have the large Happy Planner here, which holds my every move because if I don’t, I will forget it. I have a daily set of questions about my personal well-being in my planner so that I can manage my everyday health. Otherwise, I would forget a lot.

This is the beginning of the self-love journey in our lives. Remember to practice the exercises as needed. Not all of the activities in this book will help you in your journey of self-love but try them once and then custom-fit the activities that help you most. I wish you all the best, and I’m so happy you are taking this journey beside me. Have a beautiful day, and Mad Love. Nicola Dickens


Forum Cookies Weed Review From Nature’s Medicine

Forum Cookies Weed Review From Nature’s Medicine

Forum CookiesToday we are reviewing Forum cookies.  She is a 60/40 indica hybrid with a THC Level of 20-28%.   Forum cookies are the offspring of Girl Scout cookies and Durban poison.   This is a sauce, and it’s packaged in appropriate containers.  This is thick and saucy, making it easier to retrieve all the contents. However, they still need to change the shatter in these containers and put it on a piece of plastic and in the envelopes.  Her flavors are sweet, woody, fruity, and earthy flavor on the first inhale, leaving you a sense of calm and relaxation.

The effects are cerebral and uplifting.  Medicinally to help treat glaucoma, headaches, migraines, mood swings, stress, and anxiety.  This is also a live resign, and live to resign has meant it’s already activated when you purchase.  This is great for medicinal effects by either smoking or eating it.

I’m sorry, but I find it funny when I go into a dispensary, and I usually hear older people they want a high TCH level so they can get “higher,” and I think no, it doesn’t work that way. A majority of the time, we will each have our own reactions and experiences.  So the rule of thumb is that the THC levels will not decide how “high” you’ll get.  First, how heavy of a smoker are you?  The heavier a smoker you are, the more you will have to ingest, just like any drug out there, including prescription drugs from big pharma.  Is there CBD in it at higher levels and THC at lower levels?  CBD is also a sobering agent and counteracting the euphoria effects.  Fun fact if you or someone you know is under the influence and can’t handle the effects, give them CBD in any form, and it will sober you up quickly.  I call it the melatonin of the cannabis world.  Do you lean towards indica or Sativa?  How are you consuming your cannabis?  There are several ways to ingest cannabis, smoke flower, concentrates, RSO oil, edibles, tinctures, and probably a few others I don’t know. Did you ingest high concentrates like RSO oil?  What are the effects of this strain?  All of these situations have to be considered when looking at the medicinal effects, and you may still not get the “high” you are looking for.

forum cookiesI cleaned my email out and usually clean the bong, but I completely forgot, and rumor has it you clean out the banger with alcohol, giving you the best taste.  We are in our monsoon season, and we’ve had a good amount of rain.  If it starts storming, I will pause the video and or re-record.  Living in a trailer has its advantages and disadvantages. Rain would be loud, the wind moves the trailer, and the dogs freak out, panting like crazy as they both try to get into my lap. And the sky is getting darker and darker.

Thank you for stopping by my fish bowl, and I can’t wait to see you in the next video!  Mad Love Nicola and Free My Cure.


Worry-Free Wednesday Part 5 with Nicola Dickens! #freemycure #azmmj

Worry-Free Wednesday Part 5 with Nicola Dickens! #freemycure #azmmj

This morning I made an Instagram post referring to Map’s Groomers, pedophiles, and rape sexuals. I stand by that post. As a child of physical, mental, and sexual abuse and a domestic violence survivor and rape victim, I will no longer support the LGBTQ community. I do this with a heavy heart. The members of the LGBTQ have been abused and thrown away by these individuals; however, they say nothing when allowing inclusiveness. These are NOT sexual orientations. It’s a CRIME. Allowing this is slapping every victim across the face. This is so wrong and heartbreaking. I hope to reunite with the LGBTQ soon to help them stand against this BS. Thank you, Mad Love Nicola.

Discover how worry is in your way.
How is worry in your way? What does it prevent you from doing? From enjoying? In each blank space on the map, you will draw or write out one way this worry stands in your way.
Be able to go outside and talk to people.
1. No friends to see in person
2. Sometimes, in seeking medical attention
3. Experiencing friendships and all their ups and downs
4. Anxiety attacks being outside my fishbowl and being able to get my words when talking to people face to face.
5. Earthquakes in my head
6. Black Friday, I’ve never considered going into a mall. I have a glass of an alcoholic beverage.
7. Public Events


  • Pop a balloon
    Sometimes the best way to defeat a worry is by actually destroying it. Write the worry in the balloon and pop or destroy it as you let go of worry. Some of my worries are:
    Money             * people           * Government
    Communication between hubby and I.
    The Truck and Trailer             *The country and her people
    Leaving the trailer when hubby is not here.
    My Sons & Grandson             *finding a property.


  • Draw your happiness
    I’m not an artist and can’t draw, but I’m so much better with words, so I’m proud of myself. Writing again
    working on my mental health
    My health is starting to get better
    Giving myself an adjustment. I do feel like I’m doing better.
    Time with The family.


Scribble your way to sleep
I have been doing this for quite some time, and I keep it in actual real-time. On my calendar, I keep track of the amount of food I eat, feel, nap, meds, journal, exercise, calendar, video coffee, groomed, comments, water, slept. Following and tracking this has helped me greatly. I keep track of my daily accomplishments in the guided journal I bought from Happy Journal, which has really helped. I’m trying to get on the log every evening, but I’m getting better little steps, am I right?

Color your way to calm: Koi Pond
Swim with the fishes as your worries are splashed away. Coloring is either a relaxation, clearing your mind and thinking of nothing, or it gives you time in your head to help process the day or think about something. I personally use both when I’m coloring, and I use both. I don’t color often, but when I do, I’m stressed out and having a hard time with something.

Do the Animal ABC

If coloring isn’t enough, find a way to distract your mind. Distract your mind for a couple of minutes with a challenging activity. Play a game like the Animal ABCs. This should help you relax the worry.

Thank you for stopping by my fishbowl, and I can’t wait to see you in the following video!

Mad Love, Free My Cure& Nicola Dickens.


Worry-free Wednesday part 4 with Nicola

Worry-free Wednesday part 4 with Nicola

First, I want to thank everyone who has hung in there with me. It’s been a rough two years physically and mentally, and you guys are still with me. Thank you for joining me on Manic Mondays and Worry-free Wednesdays. I feel some of the anxiety or worry away has started to level off a bit. How about you? Has it helped you? Even some retraining of your mind may take a longer period. I have been a bit depressed lately and find it difficult to concentrate, sleep, eat, and do my favorite activities. I think of death more often. Not only suicidal ideation but natural causes, being shot(and if you don’t see or know someone is going to shoot), did they go dark, will they realize they were shot? Can someone lie down and sleep and not wake up again? I think you get the picture. That is why I make as many videos as possible when I’m feeling ok, so I have a bank when I don’t feel well.

Self Care Checklist
Food, feeding, meds, exercise, video, groomed, water, nap, journal, calendar, nighttime sleep. I keep a self-care journal where in my calendar under the day of the month I keep track of. I have used this system for a couple of years to track eating, but it has grown over the last few months.

Connect The Dots –
Funny story I have some concentrate, and I never thought I’d say this, but it is nasty, gross, and makes you want to lose the contents of your stomach. However, I’ve tried it a couple of times now, and the flavor gets worse, if that’s possible,  So I mixed it with some good-tasting concentrate. Let’s see if it helps. Have yall ever found a genuinely gross strain…I must hear your stories. Share below.

Current Worry: Money. Money has always caused me issues. I’ve never had any. I have always hated and found checking my bank account extremely stressful. Solution:  It will get easier as time goes on. Just muscle through. You got this. Maybe a small treat at the end of the week or month as a conditioning technique.

Depression I have a lot of depression, especially after the couple of years we’ve had. Between spending weeks in the hospital, being flat broke, and eating ice cubes as something to crunch, I guess. My suicide attempts x3 one. I took the pills by accident. We had to call medics to meet us off the grid for help. Living daily with no power except 2 hours a day (generator).
In all of these scenarios, I was sick with kidney infections and a deteriorating bladder to the point of surgery removing it and leaving me with an inner bag that I have to catheterize; however, it is much better now. I need to sit and think, take my five minutes of quiet time and then reply to each other, NOT respond.

Wake-Up with a Mantra:
Wake up with a purpose.
The monsters are gone, and it’s my turn to shine.
This shall pass
Breath INNNNN, and Outtttt, you got this
I am safe; it will be ok.
I am A worthy person.
Another day, do what you can; you got this.
Endless Worry is never practical.
Breathe in and out and talk to hubby early on and work together.
Honesty is the best policy.

Take Belly Breaths: Instructions:
1. Sit or lay down in a comfortable position.
2. Place one hand on your stomach just below your ribs and the other on your chest.
3. Take deep breaths through your nose and push your belly outward. Your chest should not be moving.
4. Breath out through pursed lips (almost like whistling). Notice the hand on your belly move back and forth as you exhale.
5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 five to ten times. Remember, take your time.

Draw Your Worries:
As I have always maintained, I suck at drawing. I am much better with words. So in this exercise, I will be writing it out.
My Worries:
1. I worry about money and the lack thereof, and it’s only getting worse with inflation; it honestly scares me. We pay $1200. a month in just fuel for him to get back and forth to work; that’s just under half of his monthly salary. My electric bill last month alone was over $400, and we live in a 43ft trailer. We desperately need tires for the truck, food, truck insurance, tv(like Netflix), and anything else that we need that my social security covers.
2. I worry about my furbaby Raffey. I believe it is that time for him, and I fear I will make the wrong choice keeping him alive or having him put down; either way, I don’t want him in pain, and I don’t want him to die alone with me to help ease the stress on him.
4. I worry about paying bills.
5. I worry about falling asleep.
6. I worry about our country and her people in these challenging times.
7. and my normal worried is hubby mad at me?

forum cookiesReroute the train wreck of thought:
Have you ever had that one day that is so horrible but won’t end, and things seem to get worse? Your alarm didn’t go off, and you an hour late, and you jumped into the shower only to discover the water heater went out. You can’t call off for fear of losing your job, and you have no vacation time, and on and on as all of these things start to compile. Your thoughts will start going down that dark hallway of paranoia. Is my boss really mad or just being tolerant? Susie, my cubical mate, looks mad because she had to finish one of my invoices and blah blah blah. as all these thoughts get wilder and darker is what the train wreck of thoughts looks like.

A guided Detour Guide fill in below
Yes I, __________ (your MIstake) and I feel __________ about it but you know what?  everyone makes mistakes. It’s part of that whole being the human thing I signed up for. And I did what I needed to do to remedy that situation, such as ___________________ Next time, I’ll do better because I was given the opportunity to learn from this!

Look at What’s Going Right
What’s going right?
1. Hubbies and my relationship has never been better. We have our disagreements, but it’s really good.
2. I’m writing again
3. I’m learning so much online or On The Line, lol.
4. I’m getting my weird sense of humor back.
5. I have been paying the bills on time for the past six months!!!

Draw Your jealousy:
I’m not a jealous person. I was abused as a kid, so I’m extremely guarded. Hubby and I’ve known and/or been together for the past 20 years, and I still have been opening up more and more, especially since my brother and I’ve been opening up about our abuse as kids. I do, however, detach. I can and have walked away cold turkey just like an addiction. I will warn and warn until the day I say I’m done, just like erasing a contact on the phone. You are no longer a part of my world.

The No Worries Work Book 124 lists activities and prompts
by Molly Burford, Link provided above


Please also share this book online; and should be viewed for self-help, book club, and entertainment.

Get your copy here.


Manic Monday w/ Free My Cure & Nicola Dickens Episode 9 #MentalHealth

Manic Monday w/ Free My Cure & Nicola Dickens Episode 9 #MentalHealth

worry free 3We are almost done with The Anti Anxiety Workbook. We have learned so much about how to lessen the effects of Anxiety and how to start taking control back and living a little bit of a happier life.

My Model
Think of someone you think is cool, self-confident, someone you admire. Someone you would like to emulate both physically and mentally. It can be someone you really know or an actor/actress, a singer or musician, or even a fictional character or even a superhero.
Close your eyes. What are their qualities, how do they talk, and how do they hold themselves?

The person I want to model is myself ten years from now. I will be grateful but clumsy. I will be well-read and confident. Mature but easily provoked into a mental youth that keeps me going. My body scared and beautifully broken. I will have published my end of days books with some popularity. I will still look like me, just more refined and put together a little better. I will still do the majority of my editing and writing at night when it’s the quietest and work most days on the farm. Caring for the animals, gardens, and 200 plants grow. I will still have situational insomnia; the dr.s  say my demons will keep that fire burning. I’ve spent 50 years of my life tormented by my demons I did not want or choose, but they hold on tight through this roller coaster ride. My hubby and I will be going on 30  years of friendship and 20 years as partners and best friends. Being poor most of my life, I will be humble and down to earth as I would make enough money not to worry. And the constant nag of suicide banging down the door will finally be quiet and leave me a little better friends with myself.

manic coloring 8

Two coloring pages “Love the life you lead, live the life you love” and courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to overcome it.”

The Boat Anxiety VS Truth
Anxiety is a lie 99% of the time, the fear of the unknown. We usually, as humans, will look at the worst-case scenario. You have to conduct a meeting, and you think you won’t make it. The truth is there is no reason for it to go wrong. All you need to do is prepare for the meeting. Your wife or husband is 10  minutes late. You start to worry. He/she must have had an accident. Stop right there! The most likely reason is that he /she left work a little late. Remember, Anxiety is not reality. It’s the fear of the future, of the hypothetical event that exists only in your imagination.

Anxiety VS Truth
Now that we have realized that what causes our Anxiety is not the truth let’s try an exercise: Create two boxes. In the box on the left, write down what makes you anxious. In the box on the right, write down what is real and true, and on the line below, write an actual action.
1. I have several anxiety triggers when it comes to daily living. I want hubby to come home to a clean, organized home, and I’m always apologizing. The truth is, he doesn’t really care. The trailer stays relatively clean most days, and if I don’t get something done, I can always do it tomorrow.
2. I get anxious whenever I check my bank account. I’m 47 years old, learning for the first time how to budget appropriately. I’ve lived most of my life borrowing from peter to pay paul to the point of having services shut off for non-payment. Action is to force myself to check the bank account every day, powering my way through the Anxiety. I’ve had a good teacher, and I got this.
3. I am very anxious about my dog Raffey dying. I don’t want him in pain. I know this is the process of life, and he’s had a good life. He will be my angel and help me fight my demons.
4. I get anxious being around new people, and our RV resort is going into its busy season. There are probably 50 people and eight horses here, but my Anxiety will only worsen within the next month. Truth is new people aren’t always bad as a matter of fact I could meet my new best friend. Action is just breath. You got this. Doing breathing exercises may take a little time to go through the door.

manic Monday 8I want to thank yall for joining me in learning how to quiet my demons, but I really want to know how this has helped you and if there is anything you guys that I haven’t mentioned here…

Manic Monday w/ Free My Cure & Nicola Dickens Episode 9 #MentalHealth

Manic Monday w/ Free My Cure & Nicola Dickens Episode 10 #mentalhealth

   The Anti Anxiety Workbook

Anti-Anxiety 10We will be starting a new book next week, The Self-Love Work Book for women. I have been trying to organize myself a little better lately, and my old calendar has expired. I love my happy Planner, so I decided to check out their store online and found some great buys. I have this larger calendar this year, which cost about $29.95; the journal was $15. and the expansion pack was about $12.however, I was lucky enough to get find a great sale. The calendar was $19.95, the journal was free, and I think I paid $10.00for for the expansion pack. I highly recommend, Happy Planner for all your organizational needs.

The Tornado:
Anxiety is often a downward spiral or a tornado. You start to feel stressed, so you think about your worries more and more. You think about it again and again, more and more. And you don’t do anything else.
10 Activities to Escape the Tornado:
Listening to music, long walks, reading, cleaning
baking                                                       journaling                                              crafts                             Watching movies or videos
Playing with my furbabies while working on the website

Coloring Pages:
Be Proud of yourself                      Strength and Wisdom

manic Monday 10The Anchor

In NLP, creating the anchor is a response pattern to a stimulus, so you feel what you want when needed.
1. Determine how you want to feel. For example, be relaxed.
2. Remember a specific moment when you felt relaxed. Do you have it?
3. choose an anchoring device that involves touch, for example, touching your thumb and forefinger together or pinching your pinky tip. It should be an easy and discreet gesture.
4. Close your eyes.   Remember when you were so relaxed, so good? Where were you? Who were you with? Remember every detail, every detail, the sounds, the smells, the temperature. Feel the calm of that moment. Now do your anchoring gesture and continue to feel good.
5. Repeat this exercise every day for at least two weeks. Test it from time to time and if you start to feel anxious, practice your anchoring gesture until you begin to relax and feel better.

My anchoring:  I want to feel better quieting my demons because there are many of them. I have been using this method for years and find it helpful. I usually play with one of the rings on my figures, close my eyes and try to relax, quieting all outside sounds. My moment would be the birth of my kids. Them laying my arms, me looking at them, and them looking at me while they lay tucked into my arms.

manic monday 6Riddikulas
A Boggart is an immoral shapeshifter non-being that takes on the form takes to take on the shape of the observer’s worse fear. Fiddikulus is a charm that’s used to defeat the Boggart. It causes the creature to take on a humorous form for caste, removing its terrorization ability.
My Boggart would have started with my parents as I grew older. Then would have been my x-husband and his drugs. Then came my second failed marriage. All of these Boggarts share similar traits.   Big Buggy eyes on a bobblehead that the more they speak, the more their heads bobbled. It would have big red lips, with the lipstick oddly placed on its lips, making them appear larger than they are. Their body were square, having two legs as rectangles, two circles as the, with a small rectangle for its neck and a giant bulbous bobblehead. When they speak, it sounds like the teacher in the peanuts movie as fire shot through their lips.

Jin Shin Jyutsu is a Japanese practice. Simply put, each finger is linked to emotion and one or more organs. To relieve emotions and relax, grasp the finger with the opposite hand, wrapping all the figures and thumb around it ( as if you were holding the handlebars of your bicycle). Hold the finger firmly for 1 to 2 minutes. Do the same with the other hand. Repeat with each finger, or you can also concentrate on just one figure. Do this every day, and every day, and every time you feel a negative emotion.

Coloring pages:  The distance between dreams and reality is called action.    Whoever moves a mountain starts with a small stone.
And now? That’s it. You’ve reached the end. The End? Really? Nut, now you have to go on alone. But now you have the tools to manage your anxiety and say, “Shut Up.”   The back of this book allows you a couple of extra pages for free writing at the end of the book. Now is the time to figure it out. Go out into the world and use these tools for survival.


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